a man who cant move

i havent realized how much i miss you not until what we did today.. huwaw moment as i may call it.. it started when i slipped calling you sweetie once again.. i missed that cause i havent said that word quite often now.. your kisses felt so good i got carried away.. i missed your lips, your hands with mine, your closeness.. i can still feel it up to now.. even when i close my eyes i can imagine what might have been if we dont have that limited space my car could offer.. but i must say ur body changed a lot.. i was so turned on by it.. what we had today reminded me of those early part of our relationship.. we always had those moment.. kissing like we will run out of it.. not minding if someone  might caught us, just having the moment that the time had given us.. it was all worth it..

not unitl the reality bites.. i had to be back where i should be..

place where i dont belong to you.

i hate how much i love you

dear sid

yesterday was ok.. well im trying to.. same  routines.. office, school, house..

sleeping time. books where read, prayers where said, a little bit of kiddin around.. a typical family bonding before going to sleep.. but when the lights where out.. i turned to my opposite side to his.. and cried.. ive been wanting to cry the whole day.. but ive been keeping myself busy.. i can feel the pain but i want to ignore it.. but when its dark.. still im empty.. im alone.. and i can feel the pain.. the intensity, it was like it was connected to someone elses pain.. i closed my eyes trying to sleep.. then i saw you.. i know your in much pain as i am.. still i kept asking myself, did i chose right? is hurting you worth it? i know that the answer is too early to tell..

im missin you so much..

you said i deserve your respect.. and your love.. i want that.. and im giving it all up..

i want you to be happy.

-sam

fun

everyone is out tonight. oh well except me.. here at the bed pouring my rants over the cyberspace. badtrip.. as in.. i was out a while ago.. went to a function prepared by my cousin promised to be back(never a home) at 5 in the afternoon.. i should have been there by 12 but still due to my martyrness i was still at the office at that time doing what an obedient slave will do for her madame byenan.. so i was late for 1 1/2 hour and got there 30mins before the event ended. convinced my cousin to leave her friends so we can bond since its been forever since we really had a time together. so we went to these mall with my windy tita and my deranged phones with the help of my ever grr husband.. it started there.. i havent texted him since i was so busy updating myself with my long-lost cousin.. then he kept on why am i not texting? how come i went to the mall and watsover bullshit.. of course mapapansin un ng mga kasama ko so they were like cge uwi kna crap.. ang badtrip.. as i was on my way home he kept insisting na “no, im not galit or duda shit” when the real story was he was really in need to get out of the house so that my ever lovely in-laws wont question him still at home when he should really be on the way to and the truth is he really aint going to work at all.. front nya lang yun so he can go out tonight and look for some shitty katulong-looking shits.. so i was teary-eyed driving on my way back sa hellhaus.. i called seth seeking for some comfort.. he cant answer the phone cause maingay daw. he was at the seminar.. and he just texted me now lang na theyre going to this place with some of his “friends”. my cousin was out too.. which supposed to be im with.. so here i am.. listening to the beeps of my cellphone with their updates.. killing myself with inner rage.. listen. rar!

dream house

dear 911,

i just realized he is not the one for me. we talked about our dreams last night. and i’m not part of his. how can i hang on this relationship?

his dreams were to have a career, an own house, car. he wants to help his family in whatever means.

my dream was to have a house for my mom. finish with a degree and eventually have a job wherein at the end of each day i can say “i made someone smile today”. i want to travel, explore and experience different places.

most of his were material ones he said because mahirap daw sya whereas mine were not because i have every thing i wanted.

then we started to argue about building houses.

his side: he wants to have an own place before marrying someone. less hassle daw. at least hindi sakit sa ulo when dividing the property kun magkahiwalay man. gusto nya i-prove sa wife-to-be and in-laws nya na good provider sya. he believes that ang babae sa bahay lang. pero kun may gusto sha na i-pursue na career ok lng din. gusto nya pag dumating na yun asawa nya kumpleto na lahat para pag nagkahiwalay walang sumbatan. walang iuuwi yun girl kahit ano dahil nga sya ngprovide lahat eh kahit pa anak nya kamo. kahit mgahiwalay daw at least d sha kawawa dahil meron sha lahat.

my say: kun magkahiwalay man. yun un eh! sabi ko kasi wala naman masama kun sabay kau ng special someone nyo na bubuo ng bahay/buhay kasal man o hindi. shempre bat ka nman pipili kun d ka siguarado sa kasama mo nuh? isipin ba nman na “baka” maghiwalay in the end. umpisa pa lang mali na eh. para sakin kasi foundation na yun bahay eh. dun magsisimula. in better or for worse nga eh in sickness and health whatsoever. he’s being realistic oo nga. pero d ako agree dun. kailangan tanga yun pipiliin nya na future bride and dependent sa kanya. para siguro hindi sya iiwan kaya idadaan nya sa material na bagay.

building the future pa nga lang wala nah.

help me,

-sam